The tears are falling now. But not all together, they come in dribs and drabs as despair sweeps through me in waves. The day was not so good, after all. It seemed fine to start with, but as we went out, the heightened state of anxiety I was gripped with became more and more apparent, sneaking up on me like a thief in the night. When I started snapping at my beloved husband, I knew what was going on. For a while, I got a grip, gave myself a talking to, but soon, the dark veil of depression, sadness and despair fell. Then, the bad thoughts started and with them, the tears started to flow.
I have to admit, I keep thinking about this mercury revelation, is this all caused by mercury toxicity on my brain? How long has this been affecting me? What caused it? How long will it take to clear? The more I think about it, the more shocking it seems to me to think that I have mercury poisoning in my brain. Of course, I have googled the symptoms and am gobsmacked to find they are fitting me to a tee. They also mirror migraine aura symptoms.
I’m going out now to a concert, a choir called Sansara will be singing Renaissance songs at the beautiful, old church of the Hospital of St Cross in Winchester, UK. My heart is racing, my emotional self is choked and holding it back. I know the amazing singing is going to make me cry. Maybe it will be a full flow of tears, maybe it will bring true release, maybe I will feel better then.
Photo of St Cross church courtesy of salutbyebye.com