Posted in healing, Health & Wellbeing, Life story

Managing My Moods: Migraine vs Mercury?

Last night, Sansara were amazing.  There were about twenty people in the choir, ten male and ten female, all young people.  They sang mostly without instrument, beautiful harmonies, gorgeous chamber music.  The words I would use are clarity and purity of sound.  Their sounds resonated around the church which dated from 1130. 

I didn’t cry, not a drop.  As the music filled the church, I closed my eyes and took a close look at all the aspects of me that I have denied and shunned, the part of me that despairs, the part that hurts, the part that is angry, the part that grieves for all the losses, the part that is scarred, the part that is scared, the part that hates, the part that lashes out, the part that feels weak, the list goes on.  As these versions of me paraded before me, to the soundtrack of Sansara singing over the loud tinnitus, seething, crackling and hissing in my head, I started to recall times in the past when one or another of these parts had manifested in my life, throughout adulthood, teenage, childhood and yes, even going all the way back to the womb.

I called out to every one of them in my mind.  I called them to me and embraced them, I offered them love, I told them I accepted them completely, I told them they were a part of me, that we were whole and belonged together.  I engulfed them all in a loving hug.  It felt good, it seemed like a really good thing to do.

Even though this was a good moment, I continue to feel down, mostly numb and still desperate for a good cry.  The main feeling that grips me at times like this is isolation.  I internalise, speak less, whereas inside I am a swirling mess of dark thoughts and darker emotions, unexpressed, and yet I am drowning in them.  Nobody gets it, nobody wants to know, they cannot help, anyway.  I shun them all, my thoughts tell me they don’t care, they are fed up of me and my problems.  And even if they do care, they haven’t got a clue what to say or how to pull me out of this pit of despair. 

Yeah, things are getting a bit deep, right now.  I still believe and hope this is going to lift in the next two days or so, just a part of the clearing from the treatment yesterday, a part of the healing process.  Let it be so.      

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Author:

Healing The Heart of the Earth is my blog and the Home of Four Branches Healing which is the shamanic and energy healing service of myself, Amanda Reid. My blog focuses on my spiritual thoughts, feelings and experiences throughout a daily life blessed with the freedom to be and do many of my favourite things. Coupled with the lessons, messages and challenges that certain physical conditions bring to me from time to time, namely migraine aura and osteoarthritis. Sometimes, I face outwards and focus on bringing healing to others, sometimes, I need to face inwards and focus on my own healing and growth. My passions include walking in the woodlands and working with the trees, strolling along beaches and swimming in the seas. I approach most things from the perspective of a worker with energy, looking for the energetic dynamic and using it to bring healing, hope, love, faith and manifestation into my life and those of others who cross my path, in as much as I am able. My path is wholly within the vibrations of the divine, particularly the feminine principle of the divine, whose current expression is enabling a balance of male and female energy for humanity. One day, we will be ready to embrace the non-gender reality of the cosmic levels completely, but for now, the divine feminine is bringing her loving and compassionate energy to balance out and bring healing to the millenia of masculine divine energy that has been expressing itself on Earth. If there was only one thing I could say to you, it is this, you are divine. It matters not who you are, you are divine. You have no reason to accept what I say, but I still wish for you to know it, not with your thoughts and mind but in such a way that you feel and experience the truth of it, embrace and embody it. You are divine. You and every other being you know. By divine, I mean you are made up of the same stuff as what we call God, what I call the Creator. At our core, all of us are that pure, that perfect, that magnificent and that wise. We are, however, a little more complicated than that, consisting of a number of elements that go together to make who we are in this, our present personality, in this, our current incarnation on Earth. Take that divine core and add a rather confused and easily bruised personality/ego with a severe memory problem, starting out (again) as a little baby, growing up in a hurt and challenging world, amongst a population of people all going through the same thing, all trying to work it out. The divine core, at soul level, is more like a passenger, its voice not heard for all the noise of our physical existence; the desires, the emotions, the struggles, the suffering, the pain, the fears. All of it, illusion, just a very convincing one. I’m one of many who are waking up. Are you one who is waking up? Confusing, isn’t it? But worth it. There truly is no other way, this is simply the best game in town and we are ascending. Wake up with me and embrace your divine nature. You are more than welcome, you are my reason for being here.

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